The Familiar Sting
by ForIAmToBe
Summary: The familiar sting. The way to known feeling before the numbness would join in. Wondering why, wouldn't make the pain go away. But the pain would make the wondering go away instead. Was it really that hard just to survive without physical distraction? (Warnings inside)


**© ForIAmToBe 2013**

**Warnings: **Abuse, Rape, Incest, Slash, Lemon, Torture, SelfHarm, NonCon, AU, Some OOC'ness.

**Pairings: **Sam/Dean (DubCon), John/Dean (NonCon).

**Summary:**_ The familiar sting. The way too known feeling before the numbness would join in. Wondering why, wouldn't make the pain go away. But the pain would make the wondering go away instead. Was it really that hard just to survive without physical distraction?_

Sam didn't make a noise when he heard his older brother gasping for air. He didn't move a muscle when he heard the blood drops fall on the ground. All he could do was waiting for it to end. Waiting for his brother to come to bed.

He knew he couldn't stop this all. He knew it was Deans outlet to escape the memories. He didn't understand why Dean would blame himself for what happened. As if he wanted his mother to die. As if he hadn't suffered enough by losing her.

When the bathroom lights could be heard turned off, Sam prayed Deans nightly routine was done for today. And he was right; Dean joined the room, taking small steps, barely making noise. Dean joined Sam in bed and crept tightly against him, pressing his body as a curled up ball to Sam.

Thankful for this moment, Sam let his mind rest a little. He was glad Dean and him still shared the same room after all these years. The bed has always been extremely large, so it would be able to hold two teenage boys without a problem.

Letting his mind come to rest, Sam tried to sleep. Turning around to face his brother. His big brother, who would keep him safe from all the scary stuff in the world. His strong brother who would wrap his slightly muscled arms around him when he cried. The big brother who was now smaller and less strong than him. It really amazed Sam how much he had grown the past 2 years.

He examined Deans body, enjoying the sight of his brothers muscled yet soft-looking body. He also noticed a few scars, but assumed these were self inflicted. Also there were quite some bruises forming on his hips.

Hungry for love, Sam pressed the back of his right hand against Deans muscled chest, playing with his nipples. He pressed his face to his brothers face, noticing the confused look in Deans large green eyes. This only turned on Sam more.

"Sammy...", Dean said, his voice shaking a little.

"I want you Dean, let's do this. Let's do what we did last week... Come-on you know it feels good".

Sam pressed his lips on Deans and slightly forces a kiss. When Dean didn't return it, Sam became a little annoyed. He wanted it to be like last week. Sam broke the kiss and went out of bed to turn on the lights. When he returned to Dean to speak out, he was amazed by what he saw; Deans body was covered in blood and silent tears were streaming down his cheeks.

Dean forced himself to look down immediately and tightened his grip on the sheets. Sam has never seen his brother so fragile. He knew his brother has grown mentally weaker by years passing since their mother passed away. But the current figure that presented his older brother was more pathetic than ever before.

Sam knew Dean would hurt himself in some way or another. He knew that since last week. But maybe he judged too fast and Deans problem was more serious than he thought it would be.

_It was early in the morning but not too early for Dean; Dean Winchester. He was used to his boss calling him either deep in the night or early as this._

_He pulled on his clothes and made sure he looked great by putting some foundation on his skin. He made a quick check in the mirror to be sure he didn't forget to cover a scar or bruise. _

_When he was done, he grabbed his bag and made his way to his work. Then something reached his mind, he forgot the impala keys in the bathroom. When he found them he wanted to take them but he misgrabbed._

"_Fuck fucking fuck"._

_The keys fell on the edge of the toilet. Dean couldn't believe his luck. When he picked them up, he made his way out of the bathroom but was rewarded with some unpleasant company._

"_Well well Dean, such a dirty mouth on such an early morning. Why the rush? Aren't you forgetting something?", John gave him a dirty look._

"_I'm heading for work dad, I- I'm a kind of late so I need to go...", Dean said as he left the bathroom._

_He was immediately grabbed by John's strong hand and thrown to the nearest wall. He collapsed to the ground and started shivering. 'I don't have time for this' he thought as he tried to get up. His father had hit him on the face and grabbed him by the collar of his hoodie._

"_You're not going anywhere", his father said but Dean escaped from his father's grip and made his way to the living-room._

_His father rushed right behind him and did his best not to let Dean leave the house._

"_Stand still you little bitch"._

_Dean finally reached the door and made his way out, still running when he left the street. His father probably didn't put enough effort in catching him; normally he'd have caught him by now. But lucky for him, he didn't._

_He heard his father curse some hurting words towards him but he just ignored them. He had to worry about getting on time at work._

"Dean, is there something I can do for you? Doing this to yourself isn't healthy and yes I know you inflicted those scars and bruises. I want to help you Dean, accept my help... please".

Dean kept his face down, slowly drying the few teardrops with his sheets. When he brought his hand to his face, Sam could clearly see some fresh scars on his wrist too.

He bended over his brother and grabbed his wrist, forcefully.

"What are you doing? Leave me alone!", Dean said as he tried to get up, freeing himself from Sam's grip.

"No way, this is what I mean, you are slowly killing yourself. These scars... do you really think they will make the inner pain go away? It won't Dean, it doesn't affect you in any positive way".

Sam pushed Dean back to the bed, pinning down his wrists, totally forgetting about the scars. Dean squirmed uncomfortably, looking broken at his physically bigger brother.

"Get the fuck off me! You don't want to wakeup dad... You shouldn't...", Dean was cut off.

"I don't care about dad waking up. Did you really think these scars would go unnoticed? That the silent suffering wouldn't reach me? I know it Dean, I know all about it".

'Fuck', Dean thought, wondering when he had become so stupid not to make sure Sam wouldn't find out.

"Leave me be, Sammy... It's my body, I use it the way I want to".

This left Sam wondering why, like it had ever since he discovered all of this. It has been stuck in his mind forever but he never got the courage to ask. Never had the guts to stand up.

"I know Dean... but no one should treat his body this way, it's unhealthy and you will lose yourself both mentally and physically".

'Fuck, when did the kid become so smart?'. Dean knew his brother wasn't dumb but it never got to him that he was actually smart. Yet another gentle reminder of himself being dumb. Dumb, ugly and only good for one thing; pleasing others.

If it was really what Sam wanted for him to stop with harming himself, he would consider it. He had to think more than twice but anything for his little brother.

_Sam was bored, bored like hell. He was done with his homework and his best and only friend moved to Oxford for studying. Him and Sam sometimes chatted around on facebook but nothing more._

_Dean left earlier today since his boss called about needing him for a job. So Dean wasn't there either. Dad left too._

_Not that he didn't hear their conversation this morning; Dean would have fallen quite a few times and dad was yelling something about Dean using naughty words in the morning... Always debating. Sometimes Sam was sick of it and wanted to speak out, to bring peace and love to this household again._

_Ever since a few years there was this depressing atmosphere around the house and Sam couldn't figure out why. Neither did he know when exactly it started or in what way, but he did know that it had something to do with mom passing away. Sam was only a baby when it all happened but he knew it had a huge impact on his brother and father._

_Or maybe it was just because of Dean... maybe it was because of him being out most of the time. It had become a ritual for Dean to leave early in the morning and to come back late. Sometimes he would be totally exhausted and he just fell asleep on the couch or whatever was the first thing he landed on._

_Yeah... Maybe it was Deans fault. Because... well, Dean didn't really look after his little brother anymore. Part of Sam knew it was because of him growing adult too, but still that's no reason to just ignore a person. Well it's not ignoring, but still not very nice either. 'It's actually a kind of bad'._

'_Yeah, it's bad! It's even pretty... naughty, isn't it? It's very naughty... It makes Dean a bad boy, a very naughty bad boy. He should be punished!'_

_Sam reached for his pants and unzipped them. He led out his cock and began stroking if up and down, moaning as it started growing harder. His legs spread and his balls bungling as he fastened the movement. _

_He imagined his brother lying submissive before him, offering him his ass. That's right; Sam would teach him how to behave like a good boy. But first he had to be punished... Bad boys need to be punished or otherwise they will make the same mistakes again._

_He was very close to coming... very very close... he only needed a few more strokes..._

_That's when the door opened._

_Dean walked in and noticed his brother pumping his hard junk. God he didn't knew Sammy was this big!_

Dean was wondering. It has been ages since Sam and him had done something together; ages since they went out at all. Well, Dean went out a lot but was just different. They never had some fun anymore. They never shared a laugh. Did he even do a good job on being a big brother?

"Dean... If you don't stop harming your own body, I will inform dad. You leave me no choice", Sam said as Dean came over to him immediately.

"No!...No I want to do something together Sammy. I want us to have fun again".

Sam cocked an eyebrow and had to push away some horny thoughts.

"What do you exactly see as 'fun'? I'm not a child anymore so don't mention a playground".

"I don't know Sammy... I was thinking about us catching a movie? There are lots of horrors in the cinema at the moment. I know you love horror, come-on! It's been so long since we've done anything together".

Sam wasn't impressed. He wasn't up for things like movies. He wanted Dean to heal. He wanted Dean to be himself again. Maybe a movie was a great distraction but Sam had something else in mind right now.

Suddenly Sam pressed his lips against Dean's. He twisted his tongue once it made its way inside Dean's mouth. Dean squirmed but gave in soon. Sam stroked the soft yet muscled hips Dean owned and let his hand slip down to Dean's pants.

"You want to please me? Then do this... do this for me Dean. I need you", Sam said through his intense breathing.

Dean stayed submissive but knew he had to do something. He couldn't lose his brother. If this kept going on, Sam would get used to Dean's body and they could never look at each other the same again.

"S-Sammy...", Dean said, voice shaking and looking up at his brother with pleading eyes. He knew it was an pathetic look but he didn't care. He had to take Sam's mind to somewhere else. He would need to distract him from the harmony of sex.

Sam gave him an annoyed look but gave in. He loosened his grip from Dean and pulled his pants up.

"Alright then... But I choose the movie", Sam said as he gave a cocky look.

_It had been the most embarrassing moment in Sam's life, it had to be. He was totally exposed in front of his brother. But maybe Dean didn't even notice. He didn't say a word as he undressed his coat and boots. There was something odd about this situation but Sam seemed to even enjoy it. _

_The way Dean stayed cool about it aroused him even more. It was like Dean was willing to look at his body. Like he was willing to share this moment with his younger brother._

_When Dean undid his coat, Sam could see a red line escaping from his upper arm. The sleeve was ripped half off at the beginning. It showed a part of his shoulder, along with the line which appeared to be a scar._

_When Sam looked closer he could see a somehow thicker scar coming from under Dean's sleeve. It took place on his left wrist and it seemed to be fresh. It wasn't covered in any way so Dean couldn't have cared about it._

_When it turned out that Dean and him hadn't traded a word ever since he came in, Sam began to notice clearly how awkward this situation was becoming; Him still fully exposed in any way and Dean looking like he'd been ripped apart by some gang._

_As Dean turned around to see Sammy, he wanted to spoke out but saw his brother looking at his wrist. It was then that he realized he didn't cover it and it was exposed to everyone in the world. Dean's cheeks instantly flushed and he looked down. Suddenly as if the ground had become such an interesting place to rest your eyes on, he became aware of the fact that there was blood dripping down the floor. It came from his wrist, that was for sure, but it made its way to the ground, covering the carpet with a bright red colour._

"_Dean... What happened?"._

_Dean said nothing as he looked slightly up again, kneeling down in front of Sam. He softly stroked Sam's leg, ending up at his cock too. He took it in his hand and began playing with it slowly. When Sam eyes widened, this was a moment of doubt for Dean._

"_Do you want me to show you how good I can be?", Dean said with a shaky voice. It didn't sound like him at all. Dean gave him the illusion he didn't want this himself. But then why would he ask him? Why would he ask him to pleasure him if he didn't want it himself?_

_Sam had thought about this before. It wasn't the first time he spied on his big brother. Sometimes when Dean went out earlier to shower, Sam followed him through squeezed eyes and saw him walking naked around the room._

_It wasn't the first time he had masturbated to Dean either. His brother had an hot body but it was the angel like face that got him off every time. How he had dreamt about those soft lips touching his. How he had prayed to get Dean naked in front of him, without having to squeeze his eyes._

"_I do... I really do! God, how long I've waited for this moment Dean"._

"_Well how do you want me then?", Dean said, still working on Sam's cock._

_This blew Sam's mind. Did this mean he could do anything with Dean he wanted? As if Dean sucking him wasn't impressing enough. Of course he didn't doubt for a second and immediately grabbed Dean's head and pressed him against his cock._

_Dean obediently opened his mouth as soon as he reached Sam's cock. He started licking the top of the cock but soon found himself taking it deep in his throat. Sam showed no mercy and took advantage of Dean's position. He knew Dean was trying to impress Sam. So Sam showed him how much he cared, he showed him how much he liked this._

_But the problem was; he wanted more. More and more, just more! So he took his cock out of Dean's throat. Dean was confused; wasn't he good enough? Didn't he do enough to please his brother?_

"_Sammy...?",Dean said as he looked up at him._

_Sam didn't answer but instead grabbed Dean's waist and turned him around so his back was in the same direction as him. When he began taking off Dean's shirt, there was some protest from his brother._

"_We can do this later Sammy... P-please just let me suck you for now"._

_But Sam didn't care what Dean wanted right now. In the end it was Dean's fault they were doing this right now. It was Dean who came up with the idea._

_So Sam ripped off Dean's shirt and Dean turned around and clutched his arms around his waist as soon as the shirt was off. Dean was clearly hurt. The expression on his face said enough; he didn't want Sam to see him this way. And he knew why. There were scars all over his body. Not just red lines like on his upper arm, but really really deep cuts. They were marked all over his hips and chest._


End file.
